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WEIRD
THINGS
CUSTOMERS
SAY IN
BOOKSHOPS
WEIRD
THINGS
CUSTOMERS
SAY IN
BOOKSHOPS
Jen Campbell
Brought to you by KeVkRaY
CONSTABLE
Constable & Robinson Ltd
55-56 Russell Square
London WC1B 4HP
This edition published by Constable, an imprint of Constable & Robinson Ltd 2012
Copyright © Jen Campbell 2012
Illustrations copyright © The Brothers McLeod 2012
All rights reserved. This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, re-sold, hired out or otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.
A copy of the British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data is available from the British Library
ISBN-13: 978-1-78033-483-7
eISBN: 978-1-78033-514-8
Printed and bound in the European Union
1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2
For bookshops and heroic booksellers everywhere
with thanks to our loyal customers,
without whom we wouldn’t be selling books
&
to all the people within these pages
who’ve kept me on my toes,
made me smile and scared
the absolute hell out of me – thank
CONTENTS
Tales From the Edinburgh Bookshop
Tales From Ripping Yarns
Weird Things Customers Say in
The Edinburgh Bookshop
The Edinburgh Bookshop [formerly The Children’s Bookshop], Bruntsfield Place, Edinburgh, is an independent bookshop owned by Vanessa and Malcolm Robertson, also owners of Fidra Books publishing company. Their bookshop dog is Teaga, a Leonberger, who somewhat resembles Nana from Peter Pan.
CUSTOMER: I read a book in the sixties. I don’t remember the author, or the title. But it was green, and it made me laugh. Do you know which one I mean?
CUSTOMER: Hi, I’d like to return this book, please.
BOOKSELLER: Certainly. Do you have the receipt?
CUSTOMER: Here.
BOOKSELLER: Erm, you bought this book at Waterstone’s.
CUSTOMER: Yes.
BOOKSELLER: . . . we’re not Waterstone’s.
CUSTOMER: But you’re a bookshop.
BOOKSELLER: Yes, but we’re not Waterstone’s.
CUSTOMER: You’re all part of the same chain.
BOOKSELLER: No, sorry, we’re an independent bookshop.
CUSTOMER: . .
.BOOKSELLER: Put it this way, you wouldn’t buy clothes in H&M and take them back to Zara, would you?
CUSTOMER: Well, no, because they’re different shops.
BOOKSELLER: Exactly.
CUSTOMER: . . . I’d like to speak to your manager.
CUSTOMER: My children are just climbing your bookshelves. That’s ok, isn’t it? They won’t topple over, will they?
CUSTOMER: It makes me sad that grown up books don’t have pictures in them. You’re brought up with them when you’re younger, and then suddenly they’re all taken away.
BOOKSELLER: . . . Yes. It’s a cruel world.
CUSTOMER: Do you have any books by Jane Eyre?
CUSTOMER: Hi, I just wanted to ask: did Anne Frank ever write a sequel?
BOOKSELLER: ... ... . .
CUSTOMER: I really enjoyed her first book.
BOOKSELLER: Her diary?
CUSTOMER: Yes, the diary.
