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Isaac Asimov

Tales of the Near Future

I Just Make Them Up, See!

To Betty Shapian, whose kindness and helpfulness have been unfailing

I Just Make Them Up, See!

Oh, Dr. A. -

Oh, Dr. A. -

There is something (don't go 'way)

That I'd like to hear you say.

Though I'd rather die

Than try

To pry,

The fact, you'll find,

Is that my mind

Has evolved the jackpot question for today.

I intend no cheap derision,

So please answer with decision,

And, discarding all your petty cautious fears,

Tell the secret of your vision!

How on earth

Do you give birth

To those crazy and impossible ideas?

Is it indigestion

And a question

Of the nightmare that results?

Of your eyeballs whirling,

Twirling,

Fingers curling

And unfurling,

While your blood beats maddened chimes

As it keeps impassioned times

With your thick, uneven pulse?

Is it that, you think, or liquor

That brings on the wildness quicker?

For a teeny

Weeny

Dry martini

May be just your private genie;

Or perhaps those Tom and Jerries

You will find the very

Berries

For inducing

And unloosing

That weird gimmick or that kicker;

Or an awful

Combination

Of unlawful

Stimulation,

Marijuana plus tequila,

That will give you just that feel o'

Things a-clicking

And unsticking

As you start your cerebration

To the crazy syncopation

Of a brain a-tocking-ticking.

Surely something, Dr. A. ,

Makes you fey And quite outrй.

Since I read you with devotion,

Won't you give me just a notion

Of that shrewdly pepped-up potion

Out of which emerge your plots?

That wild secret bubbly mixture

That has made you such a fixture

In most favored s. f. spots-

Now, Dr. A. , Don't go away-

Oh, Dr. A. -

 Oh, Dr. A-

Rejection Slips

a - Learned

Dear Asimov, all mental laws

Prove orthodoxy has its flaws.

Consider that eclectic clause

In Kant's philosophy that gnaws

With ceaseless anti-logic jaws

At all outworn and useless saws

That stick in modern mutant craws.

So here's your tale (with faint applause).

The words above show ample cause.

b - Gruff

Dear Ike, I was prepared

(And, boy, I really cared)

To swallow almost anything you wrote.

But, Ike, you're just plain shot,

Your writing's gone to pot,

There's nothing left but hack and mental bloat.

Take back this piece of junk;

It smelled; it reeked; it stunk;

Just glancing through it once was deadly rough.

But Ike, boy, by and by,

Just try another try. I need some yarns and, kid, I love your stuff.

c - Kindly

Dear Isaac, friend of mine,

I thought your tale was fine.

Just frightful-

Ly delightful

And with merits all a-shine.

It meant a quite full

Night, full,

Friend, of tension

Then relief

And attended

With full measure

Of the pleasure

Of suspended

Disbelief.

It is triteful,

Scarcely rightful,

Almost spiteful

To declare

That some tiny faults are there.

Nothing much,

Perhaps a touch,

And over such

You shouldn't pine.

So let me say

Without delay,

My pal, my friend,

Your story's end

Has left me gay

And joyfully composed.

P. S.

Oh, yes,

I must confess

(With some distress)